White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
