Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
