That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
