Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
