I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
