thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
