Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize