4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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