i'm signing you up for texting rehab
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
