Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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