do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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