If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
