im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just pee around me
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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