wakey wakey hands off snakey
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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