LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
