apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
