apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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