I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
