Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
