i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
