Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
