Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
