the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
FUCK WHALES
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
