Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My liver just broke up with me...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
