You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
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I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
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I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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