I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
