I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
