White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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