nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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