He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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