Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
