Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
