it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
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He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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