No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
