I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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