Do you still have your period?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So squirting runs in the family.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
