I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
