Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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