Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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