youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
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she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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