Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
