It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Holy sore nipples Batman
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
