Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
