the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
