i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
