I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
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Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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