at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
