I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
