Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
