im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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