I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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