i think my tv is drunk
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
