If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dicks are not precious.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
