there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
