yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
