He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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