CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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