dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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