The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
