I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
