help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
