I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..