Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism