I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
