we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
