Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
