I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
