What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
