Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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