My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
