So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
