if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
