Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
