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I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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