I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
